Monday, 22 June 2015

Single mum's - what no one tells you

For centuries it's been going on ... the "norm" has been if you marry,  them then "till death do us part". Now depending on what era we are talking about , that was very literal. You could have your head chopped off during the medieval/dark ages, you could die in childbirth , up until 20th century was quite common place , or you could be beaten to death. The later still is happening now to women.

It is quite frightening to see the statics , particularly in Australia (where I live) of women dying at the hands of a husband/partner/spouse. Why is this still happening? Why are women still considered second rate , when in nearly all ancient cultures I have studied (and I have looked into alot ) the women were revered as the life givers , the law makers and in many cultures the priestesses, the leaders of their clans.

Here in Australia the Aboriginal women held the lore and later decided that they were being selfish and shared it with the men( not the best move ladies although completely compassionate ). The clan groups were matriarchal and there is only two tribes I have heard of that were not...even still with the decimation of culutre here , so much being lost that may not be correct.

But I am digressing. Today in most of western society a woman can get divorced without her thinking she is going to hell. However she may infact live a type of hell she wasn't expecting. If she has children - then she has to juggle day to day living and the children . Which means working , often some hideous job - like cleaning , factory work or god forbid prostitution(it happens). AND still deal with the residual emotions of the separation. In many cases she may have fled violence, verbal abuse or financial abuse in order to save her children.  Or she may have had a cheating scumbag partner. ALL of the fore mentioned - she comes off second best.

Whilst she feels she is scuffling around in the dirt , the added insult to injury is that many see her as blight on society maybe even a slut (usually the older generation) and have no idea how she feels at the end of the day.

How do I know this? I am a single mother . It was never something I saw in my child hood...most of us are programmed into believing everything is deliciously "disney" and we will find the prince charming. There was never in my generation anything but that conditioning. I myself had said I would never marry , I also said I would never have children. Both these announcements shocked my mother ( hey me too mum) and I learnt never say never.
My ex husband was actually a great friend for along time , until he decided bourbon and computers games were more exciting than me. So I actually dumped his arse. The father of my child...don't even start me that's probably a blog unto itself.

Staying on point...Not long after my mother died I was without a house to call my own, a child of two years of age and feeling like I wanted to die. I cannot stress enough to young women - this is not a  lifestyle choice!! I have many friends who are single mothers and we all can tell you how lonely it is. At night , when you have got you child/or children to bed , you are drained and without any comfort. There is no one to give you a hug, no one to help calm the child, help make a rule stick and most importantly no one to make you feel loved. At the end of a rough day you're on your own.

All my friends are amazing, as am I . We do not have a bottle firmly stuck to our lips(many even in relationships do) we are not drug addicts, legal or illegal and our children are loved, clothed , schooled and have a roof over their heads. Usually with no help from the "sperminator" .

This is how I found out about dating sites and the creeps that lurk therein. Out of sheer loneliness I joined a couple of them....Now after what i have stated before you might realise my actual ME time is  precious and limited. So after all the emotional shit the last thing I need is a bunch of DDI's wanting to use my time for free sexting or trying to manipulate some free pics of me naked.

I am not the average woman either , so a few of the dating sites were too conservative, there are no dating sites for dj's who like punk, goth , metal or electro (EDM). I even looked into the sugar daddy site thinking "I don't have time for a real relationship , but a high paid dinner and a quick shag could be fun" ... I haven't come across one guy who even came close to being  honest let alone interesting , and 9 times out of 10..it was all about texting dirty messages and getting their rocks off, yes you might get your rocks off too , but I can do that for myself any day of the week - I don't need to spent my wifi/phone credit on that. Gosh , let's just think of George Clooney (or whoever floats your boat) for that.

Any woman who tells you being a single mum is awesome , is a goddam liar. No one chooses this life. Actually the only one who is probably having an alright  time of it is JLO - hey she has a nanny, staff, possibly a few high end lovers , masseurs, make overs spa treatments and travels the world and is loved and adored by millions.
For the rest of us , it is lonely, emotionally draining ,thankless and tiring.In my 5 years as a single mum I have had 4 men tell me what a great job I am doing - I nearly fell over and burst into tears. One of them was the friend who recorded the vocals for this track...proof there are kind hearted men out there let's not give up - nearly all seem to be taken tho.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone, at the end of the day my friends and I all wish we had some one to snuggle up to , to make us feel loved , to take the pressure off -and hey a bit of financial support would be fucking great too. I am not whinging I adore my son I am sharing this so young girls really think through what their life might look like (nobody can predict the future) and to make smart choices because once the fun between the sheets is over you might be looking at a different life to what you expected. Use contraception , this also prevents any nasty little diseases that could down the track make your own personal life very traumatic , painful and permanent health problems.

My mantra has been IAGBAM for many years and another way to put it is I am a queen and deserve to be treated like one. This is why my song is tough, maybe considered aggressive - but hey I been thru some shit and I had to get it out, in between loads of washing, school lunches, playing lego , cleaning the house and djing where I can ! Damn straight IAGBAM and so are you , never forget it.


 the link is here for itunes if you want to buy it and support me supporting my son you can buy it thru many other cyber shops too 

https://itunes.apple.com/au/album/iag...


If you want to check out the film clip of us fab ladies strutting -

https://youtu.be/rzFJIubIhds